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><channel><title>Simon Turner &#187; funny</title> <atom:link href="http://www.simonturner.com.au/tag/funny/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /><link>http://www.simonturner.com.au</link> <description>&#34;I intend to live forever: so far, so good.&#34;</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 26 Oct 2011 08:00:00 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en</language> <sy:updatePeriod>hourly</sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency>1</sy:updateFrequency> <generator>http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1</generator> <item><title>The World Map of Useless Stereotypes by Christoph Niemann</title><link>http://www.simonturner.com.au/the-world-map-of-useless-stereotypes-by-christoph-niemann/</link> <comments>http://www.simonturner.com.au/the-world-map-of-useless-stereotypes-by-christoph-niemann/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Tue, 12 Jul 2011 12:10:07 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator>simon</dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Entertaining]]></category> <category><![CDATA[LOL]]></category> <category><![CDATA[diagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[funny]]></category> <category><![CDATA[map]]></category> <category><![CDATA[maps]]></category> <category><![CDATA[steretypes]]></category> <category><![CDATA[travel]]></category> <category><![CDATA[world map]]></category><guid
isPermaLink="false">http://www.simonturner.com.au/?p=746</guid> <description><![CDATA[If you&#8217;re not easily offended, and don&#8217;t mind a bit of tongue-in-cheek amusement, this map is worth checking out! It really &#8220;is what it is&#8221;.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p>If you&#8217;re not easily offended, and don&#8217;t mind a bit of tongue-in-cheek amusement, this map is worth checking out! It really &#8220;is what it is&#8221;.</p><div
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isPermaLink="false">http://www.simonturner.com.au/?p=505</guid> <description><![CDATA[The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn&#8217;t get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii.  After going over all the cost info, she asked, &#8220;Would it be cheaper [...]]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p
align="center"><em><strong><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"><br
/> </span></strong></em></p><p
align="center"><em><strong><span
style="font-family: Verdana;">The following are actual stories    provided by travel agents:</span></strong></em></p><p
align="center"><p
align="center"><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"> I had someone ask for            an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn&#8217;t get messed up by being            near the window.</span></p><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"> A client called in inquiring            about a package to Hawaii.  After going over all the cost info,            she asked, &#8220;Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the            train to Hawaii?&#8221;</span></p><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"> I got a call from a woman            who wanted to go to Capetown.  I started to explain the length            of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with            &#8220;I&#8217;m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts.            &#8220;Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained,            &#8220;Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.&#8221;  Her response            &#8230; click.</span></p><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"> A man called, furious            about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation            in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to            explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the            state. He replied, &#8220;Don&#8217;t lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida            is a very thin state.&#8221;</span></p><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"> I got a call from a man            who asked, &#8220;Is it possible to see England from Canada?&#8221; I said, &#8220;No.&#8221;            He said &#8220;But they look so close on the map.&#8221;</span></p><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"> Another man called and            asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation,            I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas.  When I asked him            why he wanted to rent a car, he said, &#8220;I heard Dallas was a big airport,            and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time.&#8221;</span></p><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"> A nice lady just called.            She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit            left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.  I tried to explain            that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand            the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast,            and she bought that!</span></p><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"> A woman called and asked,            &#8220;Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know            who&#8217;s luggage belongs to who?&#8221; I said, &#8220;No, why do you ask?&#8221; She replied,            &#8220;Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage            that said FAT, and I&#8217;m overweight, is there any connection?&#8221; After putting            her on hold for a minute while I &#8220;looked into it&#8221; (I was actually laughing)            I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that            the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.</span></p><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"> I just got off the phone            with a man who asked, &#8220;How do I know which plane to get on?&#8221; I asked            him what exactly he meant, which he replied, &#8220;I was told my flight number            is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.&#8221;</span></p><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"> A woman called and said,            &#8220;I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes.&#8221; I asked            if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, &#8220;Yeah,            whatever.&#8221;</span></p><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;"> A businessman called and            had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.            After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed            a visa. &#8220;Oh no I don&#8217;t, I&#8217;ve been to China many times and never had            to have one of those.&#8221; I double checked and sure enough, his stay required            a visa. When I told him this he said, &#8220;Look, I&#8217;ve been to China four            times and every time they have accepted my American Express.&#8221;</span></p><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;">A woman called to make            reservations, &#8220;I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York&#8221;            The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: &#8220;Are you sure            that&#8217;s the name of the town?&#8221; &#8220;Yes, what flights do you have?&#8221; replied            the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, &#8220;I&#8217;m sorry,            ma&#8217;am, I&#8217;ve looked up every airport code in the country and can&#8217;t find            a Hippopotamus anywhere.&#8221; The customer retorted, &#8220;Oh don&#8217;t be silly.            Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!&#8221; The agent scoured a map            of the state of New York and finally offered, &#8220;You don&#8217;t mean Buffalo,            do you?&#8221; &#8220;That&#8217;s it! I knew it was a big animal!&#8221;</span></p><p
align="left"><p
align="left"><span
style="font-family: Verdana;">Thanks to <a
title="funny stories from american travel agents" href="http://www.strangeplaces.net/weirdthings/travel.html">Strange Places</a> for these laughs!<br
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style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div>]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>http://www.simonturner.com.au/funny-stories-from-american-travel-agents/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item><title>Restaurant Names that Need No Further Comment</title><link>http://www.simonturner.com.au/restaurant-names-that-need-no-further-comment/</link> <comments>http://www.simonturner.com.au/restaurant-names-that-need-no-further-comment/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Sat, 10 Oct 2009 06:57:51 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator>simon</dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Tweet Log]]></category> <category><![CDATA[funny]]></category><guid
isPermaLink="false">http://www.simonturner.com.au/restaurant-names-that-need-no-further-comment/</guid> <description><![CDATA[These restaurant names are worth a laugh, although I&#8217;m not sure eating at them would be quite so entertaining!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p>These restaurant names are worth a laugh, although I&#8217;m not sure eating at them would be quite so entertaining!</p><p><img
src="http://simonturner.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/image01717.jpg" width="480" height="274" alt="image01717.jpg" /></p><p><img
src="http://simonturner.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/image01616.jpg" width="480" height="288" alt="image01616.jpg" /></p><p><img
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src="http://simonturner.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/image0077.jpg" width="480" height="291" alt="image0077.jpg" /></p><p><img
src="http://simonturner.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/image01414.jpg" width="480" height="291" alt="image01414.jpg" /></p><p><img
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style="clear: both; min-height: 1px; height: 3px; width: 100%;"></div>]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>http://www.simonturner.com.au/restaurant-names-that-need-no-further-comment/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item><title>Catherine Tate Translates into 7 Languages</title><link>http://www.simonturner.com.au/catherine-tate-translates-into-7-languages/</link> <comments>http://www.simonturner.com.au/catherine-tate-translates-into-7-languages/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Mon, 05 Oct 2009 06:39:09 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator>simon</dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Tweet Log]]></category> <category><![CDATA[catherine tate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[funny]]></category><guid
isPermaLink="false">http://www.simonturner.com.au/catherine-tate-translates-into-7-languages/</guid> <description><![CDATA[It may not be particularly politically correct, but this Catherine Tate skit is pretty funny.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p>It may not be particularly politically correct, but this Catherine Tate skit is pretty funny.</p><p><object
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isPermaLink="false">http://www.simonturner.com.au/racism-is-ugly-but-watch-the-lighter-side-in-an-elevator/</guid> <description><![CDATA[Racism is ugly in every shape and form. So this video is powerful &#8211; it&#8217;s funny because it&#8217;s true. Please don&#8217;t watch if you&#8217;re offended by the odd profanity, but please do watch if you&#8217;re offended by racism even more.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p>Racism is ugly in every shape and form.</p><p>So this video is <a
href="http://www.simonturner.com.au/design-greetings-cards-that-are-mean/">powerful</a> &#8211; it&#8217;s <a
href="http://www.simonturner.com.au/funny-video-death-by-powerpoint/">funny</a> because it&#8217;s true.</p><p>Please don&#8217;t watch if you&#8217;re offended by the odd profanity, but please do watch if you&#8217;re offended by racism even more.</p><p><object
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isPermaLink="false">http://www.simonturner.com.au/design-greetings-cards-that-are-mean/</guid> <description><![CDATA[Mean Cards are dark-humoured, cynical and, well, a bit mean sometimes. Indeed, they&#8217;re not your average greeting cards, which given the inspiration for them came when designer Julianna Holowka lost her job and her lifestyle, I understand why. So the moral is&#8230;good and funny things can come out of less than positive situations!]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p><a
href="http://www.meancards.com/">Mean Card</a>s are dark-humoured, cynical and, well, a bit mean sometimes.</p><p>Indeed, they&#8217;re not your average greeting cards, which given the inspiration for them came when designer Julianna Holowka lost her job and her lifestyle, I understand why.</p><p>So the moral is&#8230;<a
href="http://www.simonturner.com.au/2009-june-27-quote-of-the-day-quotes/">good</a> and <a
href="http://www.simonturner.com.au/funny-video-death-by-powerpoint/">funny</a> things can come out of less than positive situations!</p><p> <img
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