1) We admit the hurt.
2) We admit the hate. Active hate: We want him/her to hurt for what they did. Passive hate: We can’t bring ourselves to wish him/her success.
3) We find healing for ourselves. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.
4) We release our debtors. A) You see that they are more than just a person who hurt you. B) You find strength to bless them, to wish them well. C) Their act is irrelevant to how you feel about them.
5) We seek reconciliation where possible. This is the only conditional stage of the forgiveness process. It takes two to agree on reconciliation and you cannot make another person participate.
Forgiving is not forgetting, excusing, accepting or tolerating. It is admitting the hurt, admitting the hate, finding healing for ourselves, releasing our debtors, and seeking reconciliation where possible.